FAT GIRL 2.0

From Me To You

I know I used the word FAT, but how else could I get you over here lol!

Many young women in our community are plus size, and most of them are unhappy with the way they look. They may try to dress it up, get their faces beat, but deep down they wish they were someone else.

Young plus size women don’t know how to be happy in their own skin. They will give anything to be skinny, be like everyone else (who is this ‘everyone else’ anyway?) because as it is right now, Skinny equals happiness.

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I’m Sorry Mama

Being that Mother’s day was yesterday, May 10th 2015, I have decided to follow it up with a note to my special mother. It’s a day later and I still feel the need to recognize her. Talk of mother issues.

When people talk of their mothers, it seems to me that many memories flash through their minds. They speak emotionally of the God-given gift that nurtured and cherished them like no one would. You remember the time mum… shit! I have nothing. How would I know what one remembers when I haven’t been in the same position?

My mum, God bless her, kinda abandoned me in a popular national hospital at a very young age. Am actually not sure if at all it was her. It might have been my dad, but for the sake of this note and for the mere fact that no one came looking for me since, I think I should blame them both. Mostly my mum. Who cares about the nigga. It might have been a ‘hit and run’ and he couldn’t care less after dispensing his beads. So mum, I am on your case.

I would like to think that most people have good memories about their mothers. Well, except Eminem. Everyone else who says anything to the contrary is full of shit. Your mum is the best friend you’ll ever have. You belong to her. She nurtured you and struggled through whatever she did just to see you get where you are today. You might not see it like that, but am sure it was something she intended.

It’s usually hard for me when am around people discussing something about the normal family. Like, ‘My mum did this and that’, ‘My pops is sijui what’. It comes to my turn and am like ‘That mound of silly string…’ It’s so weird for me. Processes like getting an I.D. and a passport were so hectic for me. No one understands how one cannot have both parents, or relatives and none of their documents. So you jump through hoops trying to tell your story and then the worst part is usually when they are sympathetic and they start treating you like an orphan. I am not an orphan.

Not that you care, but I will tell my alternate family story in one quick paragraph. After my mum abandoned me at the hospital, I was taken in by the sisters of Mother Teresa of the organisation of Missionaries of Charity. These are my parents. I know no one else. They took me to my first school, gave me my first Christmas present, gave me brothers I could look up to. When I got adapted by a ‘lady of the night’ and had to find my way back to them after several beatings, they took me back. Now at twenty eight I have nothing but admiration and immortal love for them. In many ways, I think it was a blessing in disguise because something tells me my mum gave me away because she couldn’t afford me at the time. I wouldn’t blame her for that. Any who, that happened.

This note might seem harsh to some people. Forgive me if that person is you. I am sure I would have loved my mum. I have a million images in my mind of how I imagine her being. How she would tuck me in bed and prepare me for school. How she would teach me about life. Maybe my dad I may blame for note being around to teach me how to talk to girls. Niko down hiyo sector. I have the utmost respect for my mother. Whatever mistakes she may or may not have made I understand and already forgave her a long time ago. My parents told me I needed to do that in order to have a stress-free life.

I don’t usually reminisce all these things on a daily basis. In fact I don’t even care, but yesterday being mother’s day, I sat down and wondered how different my life would be had mum been around. How different my choices would have been.

In a few months or a few years, it will be my turn to be a parent. How good will my choices be in regards to my children? Maybe then I will know what made mum do what she did. It’s why I feel I shouldn’t judge her. I pray it doesn’t come to that. My children Nicole and Nicholas will be the most pampered children you’ve ever seen. Everything I do now I do for them. I wouldn’t want them to face all the difficulties I’ve been through. Being that I won’t spoil them, I will not let them live a ‘what if’ life.

On another note, I hope somewhere in my blood line there’s a tallness gene. Walking with taller people is among top ten of my dislikes in life. Also, I like basketball and hope to pass that to my tall son 🙂

Of Fashion and Shoes

Modern Family is the greatest show I’ve seen in quite a while. My girlfriend and I have watched and rewatched this series a million times. Right from the beginning, the story is captivating, engaging and outright funny. Something about a modern white family and all the drama that can emerge from this setting makes this show the best. (Well, and of course Phil Dunphy yo!).

Now to my post. Fashion. Before deciding to share this post with you, I asked myself what fashion is. Fashion in a very loose definition means ‘trending’. What’s trending in the clothes industry, the jewellery industry, automobile, communication, etc. When you have the trending item in the particular entity, you are in fashion.

I have been a very fashion conscious mudu since I was a kid. I remember the very first time I discovered ‘three quarter’ shorts, I put them on with a red jacket and LA Gear shoes. I topped that with white socks that had red and blue stripes on them, visible from my ankle-high shoes but low enough for you to see some skin, a few inches below where my shorts reached. I’d never felt so confident in my life.

My white LA Gear shoes came right after some fancy ankle-high Nike ones that had protrusions along the sides. I use to wear them all the time. When my LA Gear issue came along, I missed the Nikes so much I tried to redesign them by drawing the Nike logo on both side-soles, identically with my Bic pen. I got carried away though, and had adidas, reebok and fubu, wow, and even Karl Kani drawn too. It was a long time ago, don’t judge me! That’s more or less where my love for fashion and shoes started.

When matatus were matatus and not glorified mkokotenis, when people actually took time, effort and money to soup up their cars, there was this ride in Buruburu 58 (five eight) that had fubu written on it. It’s still a very vivid memory. The way fubu was artistically designed on it and the ground shaking woofer that the thing had, was out of this world. I didn’t have money to take matatus then and used to walk all the way to my primary school in Buru Phase 5. Every time it passed by me, I stopped and admired it until it disappeared around the corner. It’s sheer beauty mesmerised me every day.

I do believe that for a great attire combination and for you to be fashionable in the clothes industry, you have to start with the shoes and work your way up. Shoes, trouser/pants, t-shirt/shirt and finally head attire, caps and what have yous. Even if your t-shirt and/or shirt and your trousers are ‘off the hook’ and you’ve got the wrong shoes, you’ll be off.

It comes without saying, depending on your geographical orientation, that people are different and that one man’s fashion may not be the next person’s. As an individual therefore, I go for comfort. What I feel most comfortable in is what I’ll wear. If you feel that by wearing that blue Pele jeans, you can walk into any social gathering and feel like you are ‘killing it’, go for it.

Everyone has their own eye for fashion. Some of course have talent and everything they wear turns out to look great on them. In the end, it comes down to how you mix and match those different colours and designs. Blood red socks wouldn’t be so bad if you matched them with light grey or white shoes and a white t-shirt. Just make sure you have at least a speck of red somewhere else in your attire. Above all, be adventurous and open to trying new things in life.

#Logos courtesy of LA Gear shoes and Karl Kani

#Cartoon courtesy of cordell:cartoonstock.com

Siri

Siri sat in front of his desk calculating the next move. His was a life full of surprises but he has always had things go his way, very well. He didn’t have to try so hard, or perhaps he did. Maybe he wouldn’t be here now, staring at the blue screen of his computer. However, as far as he can remember, he did everything by the book. And things had worked themselves out until now.

He restarts his machine. No change. The blue screen of death. If only life were that simple, you hit a rock and decide to restart your journey. Then you decide to take a whole different route. This time around you take everything seriously, see that installation that’s going to haunt you and avoid it before you even start. And maybe then, gather a few more titles to your name.

He has a few titles here and there, his own way to mark his success over the years. It’s all he has now. That, and the memories of the good old days. He thinks about his childhood. He grew up in a foster home. If you’d ask him however, it wasn’t ‘foster’ to him. It was home. All his good memories are from there. It’s the closest thing he had to a normal family relationship and frankly, he knew, the best family he could ever ask for.

Siri had won the hearts of the more than hundred people that he called his family. He was intelligent, kind and compassionate. No one spoke ill of the ever smiling, youthful, fashion conscious, basketball lover. It was agreed that he was the most humble boy in the home. He offered a helping hand here and there. You know, a wheelchair push here and a kind word (to a sicker brother) there. Had that favourite wheelchair ridden kid that he made sure was properly covered before he went to sleep. They all looked forward to when the school was out, so they could be around this marvellous boy.

Alt+Ctrl+Del. How then could life be so difficult now? How is it that after all he thought he had, this is where he works? Is this the career he settled for? How could he have messed up so bad? Where did he go wrong? At the back of his mind, he knew he didn’t need to worry about his career so much. He had been to some other places, as an intern. Much better places. Where his career was met with much appreciation, monetary wise of course. He wouldn’t mind doing all this legwork with the right amount, he thought. Everything has a price! He always dreamt of working there one day. His was a core business, without which nothing else went on. But not here.

In an industrial setting, you are only a bgv in the awesome ‘metal’ band. No one sees you. They’d still be comfortable with a day or two without you. In fact, they only need you when they need you, it’s one of those scenarios. They still need you nonetheless, it’s why they hired you. Here, they neglected those 90’s hubs and switches in that upstairs room in the old office that shares a wall with the industrial plant. It’s feel is close to an attic now, because they lost the key to the barricaded server room. When they need you, they’ll need you to stretch your hand from the adjacent room and try and restart that dusty switch for them. Then they’ll very carefully have to lock the rooms leading to it. It’s careful because they sent you in with that ‘trusted old man’ who has all the keys to all the rooms in that old building. His job is to keep the keys, never open the rooms, not even once to I don’t know, clean them? With a skewed sense of satisfaction you will go back to your seat and tick the IT Helpdesk entry as done.

Siri sits infront of the blue-screened computer and wonders. Whatever happened to karma!